August 1, 2007

  • It’s been nearly three months since I became vegetarian.  It’s been a pretty easy transition, although I’ve probably inadvertently slipped a couple times by ordering items that involve meat — who knew caesar salad dressing contains anchovies and that a lot of restaurant rice is cooked in chicken broth?  Not me, although it seems like everyone else I talk to knew one or both of those things. 

    What I’ve been struggling with the past couple days is whether I should become vegan.  It’s an issue I alluded to in my earlier post.  There I decided against it as being too dramatic, because it involved taking a position whose benefit to the environment and animals did not clear exceed its cost to me, which would be substantial.  It severely limits the range of things you can eat, and especially so for me since I don’t really like a lot of these faux meats or soy dairy products (although tofu is pretty good).   

    The problem is that there’s no logical reason to draw a line between eating meat and consuming dairy.  The dairy cow is treated no better than the animals that are slaughtered, and perhaps worse since industrial farmers have to squeeze every drop of milk out of the cow they possibly can to maintain profitability.  And it makes a mockery of the aniimals’ dignity to replace a club sandwich with a huge grilled cheese sandwich, extra cheese.

    I think a place to start is to emphasize substance over form.  I can’t be concerned with whether every stir fry of vegetables is cooked in vegetable oil rather than butter or swear off ever eating another cookie or pancake.  But I should stop eating grilled cheese sandwiches and adding cheese to my burritos–or at least eat less of those things.  And in the meantime, I’ll have to take extra vitamins and look for other sources of nutrients that I may not be able to obtain from non-animal sources, and do some research into alternative foods I eat that contain no animal products.

    So maybe I’ll toy with the idea of becoming a half-vegan, although it may not stick.  In the meantime, though, the vegetarian thing has been easier than I thought.   

May 26, 2007

  • The last installment of Pirates seriously sucks.  I love Johnny Depp, and almost every time he showed up on screen, the movie became semi-watchable.  Still; what a waste of time.  The movie is nearly 3 hours long, and there’s so much self-indulgent crap that could’ve been cut, plus each character has his own little storyline that needs to be tied up, so you get several different “endings.”

    I had to go to this thing, because it was a summer associate event, and I promised my friend who was organizing the event that I would go.  I promised her I’d go on Monday, though, and between Monday and Thursday I billed 65 hours on this one case I was working on.  There was just a very bad combination of things to file, so I spent every waking hour of Monday to Thursday at work — and four hours on Tuesday night at a summer associate dinner, which was fun but caused me to get even less sleep that night — and was in no mood to spend time at a work event on Friday night.  But I promised her, and two people had already bailed out, so I went.  And I’m glad I gutted through it.  Hopefully I get some kind of karmic credit for going, I got to catch up with my friend from work and his wife at dinner beforehand — generally I hate third-wheeling, but his wife is delightful — and I got the chance to observe “normal people” (by which I mean, the general audience at the movie, not people from my firm) and what they do on a Friday night.

    I guess it amazes me that this movie passes for entertainment, and will probably be very successful entertainment at that (if it generates as much revenue as each of first two, anyway).  I watched the first Pirates and really liked it; didn’t see the second.  This one just seemed so over the top though.  Maybe I was just in a bad mood, but action movies just seem so stupid to me, and all the computer graphics that go into this one seem to stupid as well.  Like, how much money was invested in making this movie, and for what purpose?  I guess it brings entertainment to people, which is a social good, but it seems like most of the people in the audience would be better served by reading a newspaper for three hours and that the money paid to both make and watch the movie would be better spent feeding people in Africa or rebuilding inner-city schools.  I know that’s a ridiculous and naive observation, but that’s how I felt.  I mean, what’s the point of living if we’re going to spent what time we have on earth on completely stupid diversions.  That is not to say there’s something wrong with fun, only that I don’t understand WHY or HOW anyone could possibly think watching a stupid movie like this IS fun.  And proceeding from that premise, the only thing watching it is doing is taking up time, and isn’t time something we would like more of rather than less of?

May 6, 2007

  • I just finished reading Michael Pollan’s The Omnivore’s Dilemma, and I think I’m going to become a vegetarian.  The overarching task of the book is to trace 4 meals from their beginnings on the farm (or in the wild) to the dinner table, the meals being (1) a McDonald’s lunch, (2) an industrial organic meal made from ingredients from Whole Foods Market, (3) a ”sustainable” organic meal freshly slaughtered on a small family farm in Virginia, and (4) a meal made entirely from ingredients he hunted and gathered himself.  

    The first part of the book is a story about corn, how it is overproduced in this country, how the government subsidizes its overproduction, how that excess supply leads to falling prices, which in turn leads farmers to supply still more corn to maintain income.  (The economics of this is somewhat hazy to me, because according to Pollan, the government essentially pays farmers a fixed price per pound of corn, regardless of the market price.  So the farmer always gets, say $1 a pound, with the government making up the different between $1 and the market price.  So why market prices effect corn farmers is something of a mystery, since under this arrangement it should only effect the cost to the government, although perhaps over time the government sets its fixed price lower and lower — this is unclear though.)

    The government’s current policy of encouraging overproduction began in the early 1970s, when the government actually paid farmers to restrict output, to protect the fertility of land and because there was only a fixed amount of corn humans could actually consume.  But at some point food prices skyrocketed, and Nixon — worried about the consequences of that for the 1972 campaign — acting through his agriculture secretary, reversed course, paid farmers to step up production and prices fell.  Ever since, however, we’ve continued to encourage more and more production, and all that product needed someplace to go.

    As a result, corn is in everything now — high fructose corn syrup began to replace sugar cane, and most notably corn is used to feed beef cows.  A corn diet allows them to grow fat quicker, reducing the time from birth to slaughter, and it also allows large slaughterhouses to warehouse many more cows, since there is no need for them to have room to graze grass.  The problem is that cows aren’t made to eat corn.  They are exclusively evolved to eat grass, as they have a number of stomachs and bacteria in the stomaches that can digest the cellulose in grass to something the cow’s body can make use of.  Unlike humans, a cow’s stomach is naturally at a pH of around 7, to allows those special bacteria to live.  Feed a cow corn, and it acidifies the stomach, causing the cow a number of painful health problems, the most notable of which is liver failure.  Industry counters this by preemptively feeding the cows antibiotics and high nitrogen diets.  The result is a calculation where cows get fat enough quickly enough that they can be killed for meat before they die of liver failure or some other disease.  Apparently some studies estimate that 25-50% of beef cows have severe liver problems at death.  And it is a sickness that is painful to the cow.

    In the course of the industrial organic meal, there is a long section discussing the birth of the organic movement among hippies in the 60s and 70s.  Over time, there became a larger demand for organic food, which led to the growth of chains like Whole Foods — but the problem is that with increased nationwide demand came the need for large manufacturing facilities, trucks to transport the food everywhere, etc.  The upshot of all this is that so-called “organic” food today is hardly what one would imagine from the pictures of the packages.  “Organic” chickens are required by federal law to have “access to pasture,” but for the first five weeks of their lives, growers can’t let them out in the open for fear they’ll catch a disease, then from weeks 5-7 they are housed in essentially three wall warehouses where they look out into a beautiful open air lawn and may be free to move about in it but are to scared to venture out into it.  At week 7 they are killed.  The “organic” label comes mostly from the fact that they are fed organic grain rather than the fact they have some natural ability to wander about in the open air.

    This is an improvement over industrial chickens, whose beaks are usually pried off their faces to prevent them from pecking at one another.  They are stored 10,000 to a fenced warehouse, so tightly that they naturally attack one another — were they to be successful, they would damage each other’s meat, making it less marketable.  Production of eggs is no more pleasant.  Even free range chickens are stored 6 to 8 in a tiny cage, and many become so agitated they brush up against the walls:  10% scratch themselves to death, which is fine because this percentage of lost animals is built into the suppliers’ profit margins.  And if the birds become too unruly, another solution is to deprive them of all exposure to light and open air, which triggers them to lay one last batch of eggs before they die.

    Perhaps pigs are the ones who have it worst because they are more intelligent than the other animals, and so more likely to understand and feel the pain inflicted upon them.  Pigs are also stored in close confines, and each has its tail cut most of the way off when very young, because the pigs bite at each other’s tails because they are so upset at being in such close proximity to one another.  Biting can cause infection, so to prevent it, the tails are cut.  They are not cut all the way off, however, because the supplier wants to leave enough on so that it will be incredibly painful for a pig to be bitten on the tail, causing it to fight back and prevent future biting.  If the whole tail were left on, it would not be very painful, and the pigs are so depressed from their confinement, that they would not put up the energy to fight off the aggressor.

    But the description of these conditions is not the main focus of the book, they are just mentioned as one part of what it takes for meat to end up on our plates. 

    I’d have to say that it’s a pretty balanced book.  At points Pollan is demonstrably uncomfortable with eating meat (even becoming a temporary vegetarian), but he never reveals how things turn out for him:  where he’s staying vegetarian or not.  He also is somewhat sympathetic to the industrial organic chains like Whole Foods.  It is clear that these places are dominated by 2 or 3 major suppliers, that the conditions of the meat those suppliers raise isn’t much better than mainstream industrial suppliers.  But they do produce less pollution, tend to treat their workers better, etc.  So while it’s far from a utopia, it is progress.

    A theme that resonates with me is how are industrial food system works against nature.  It is more efficient to produce a ton of cows in one place, a ton of corn in another, a ton of chickens in another, but this segregation disrupts a well-evolved beautiful ecosystem.  In earlier times, everything was raised together on the farm — cow manure fertilized the fields, chickens walked along and distributed the manure equally across the entire landscape, as well as moving seeds to help regrow the grass.  It was all a very self-contained cycle.  Now, cows are stored by themselves, are fed high nitrogen diets, producing piles of environmentally manure that infects rivers and streams, rather than fertilizing the open pasture (which are nowhere to be found near the slaughterhouse).

    There is more.  We’ve been trained to expect all types of meat and produce year-round.  This results in having to fly it in from exotic places.  Pollan tracks how many calories of fossil fuel are needed to bring a given calorie of food energy to our plates (depending on the source of food energy), and Whole Foods is actually a big offender, consuming absurdly high amounts of greenhouse producing gases to bring us off-season asparagus.

    One last interesting point from the book — he talks about how the demand for food is inelastic, how America has, essentially, a fixed amount of food each person can consume.  As prices drop, food companies need to think of creative ways to increase gross profits, and one way is food processing.  By processing foods, they are “adding value,” and thus appropriating a great percentage of each dollar spend on food to themselves (and away from the farmer), and increasing the amount of money they can get us to spend on food.  Processed foods tends to be worse for us, have more calories, etc, but there’s a strong incentive for companies to push these foods since they increase profits.

    So on to why I’m going to become a vegetarian.  I don’t think eating animals per se is wrong.  Indeed, humans are evolved to be omnivores, our teeth are made to cut meat, they contain proteins we need to survive.  But I think the way in which the modern food industry treats animals makes it wrong to partake in that system.  Animals are treated like any other widget — our slaughterhouses are designed to produce as much meat as possible as quickly as possible, and the consequences to the feelings of animals be damned.  I guess this should come as no surprise.  That’s generally what we want the free market to do — to encourage economies of scale and increase efficiency, allowing consumers access to a greater choice of products at lower and lower prices.  But this model really is unacceptable when animals are involved, because these creatures feel pain, and the way we’re treating them is barbaric. 

    Were there a way to ensure that each piece of meat I eat came from a humanely raised animal, it would be ok to continue as a meat eater.  But there’s really no way to tell.  Labeling are so mushy, that you have no idea what you’re getting, and most companies have a vested interest in discouraging transparency, since consumers are bound to disapprove of what they see if the information is available to them.

    Vegetarianism also seems a unique way to take a stand against the system.  There are very few matters of public importance that the individual can do much about.  I hate the war in Iraq, but I have no real ability to stop it.  I can vote against Bush, I can join a protest, but I can’t really opt out of the system.  I pay taxes to the U.S. government, a large portion of which wind up in the Defense Budget, so I’m contributing to something I think is an evil.  I’m not going to up and move to Europe, but short of that I’m complicit in the wrong.

    Diet is one thing that the individual has a unique level of control over.  It is true that if I stop eating meat, slaughterhouses aren’t suddenly going to shut down or release all their animals into green pastures.  But at least I won’t be funding the system; at least I won’t be supporting something I think is morally wrong, complicit in industry’s debasement of nature.  It won’t change the world, but it’s notably better than doing nothing, and also more likely to have an impact than many other forms of protest.

    There are painful line drawing problems though.  Beef, chicken, pig, and turkey clearly must go.  The industrial harvest of fish is on the rise (Pollan mentions that salmon farmers are now teaching the fish to eat corn — yuck), but conditions for them are probably not as bad as for other animals.  Eggs should be out as well, given the horrible cruelty caged chickens endure, but eggs wind up in some many things that that could be a hard one to police.  Does that mean I can never have another pancake because there’s an egg in the batter?  Do biscuits contain eggs?  Cake?  (I’m sure there are a million other things that contain eggs that I haven’t the faintest clue do.)  And then there’s dairy.  While the book doesn’t touch this one in much detail, it doesn’t much extrapolation to understand that the lives of dairy cows must be pretty miserable too.

    And I was talking this over with Adam the other day, and he made the valid point that most vegetables are harvested by underpaid migrant workers.  So even if I were the strictest vegan, would I be contributing to their degradation?  (The counterargument, I suppose, is that they are happy to have the work, and that maybe a few of them can use it to make better lives for their children, etc.  Immigrants have to start working somewhere.)

    But the inherent arbitrariness of line drawing is not a reason to refuse to draw any line at all, to continue to eat anything as if I’d never read this book.  I think for now a fair course is to stop eating beef, chicken, pigs, and turkey, to stop eating plain eggs (omelets, hard boiled eggs, etc) but continue eating things that incidentally contain egg as an ingredient — although not go out of my way to eat them.  And to still eat dairy.  I’ll continue thinking about whether to eat fish, but will temporarily stop eating fish pending more information.  I think that arrangement allows me to cut out a significant amount of food derived from cruelty to animals while being practical enough to not reduce myself to eating nothing but fruit, vegetables, and nuts.  (Were I do try that, I’d probably fall of the wagon altogether.)

    Two loose ends.  First, I think the New York Times review of Pollan’s book is flawed for a number of reasons.  For one thing, the reviewer complains that Pollan isn’t more prescriptive about solutions to reform our industrialized food system.  But I think this misses his point, which is that there’s not a whole lot we can DO about the system other than to educate people as to how food is produced and let them make their own decision to complain about it or otherwise opt out.  As it is, the market pushes things in the direction we are going precisely because consumers lack information.  Although, if there’s one solution you can take from the book, it is that the government needs to rethink its farm policy, a point Pollan makes more explicitly in a later NY Times article of his own.  For another thing, I think the review unnecessarily takes Pollan to task for being too “nice,” like for being something of an apologist for big industrial organic companies, but this is precisely why his book is trustworthy.  He doesn’t have an agenda necessarily — he’s TRYING to be fair, and does a decent job of it.  Not everything is black and white.  Also, I don’t think the sustainable organic farmer is necessarily the “hero” of the book — indeed, elsewhere Pollan acknowledges that this kind of food production is probably impractical as a nationwide solution, and mentions that the farmer is overly suspicious of big cities.

    Second, and back to my newly adopted vegetarianism, I really LIKE meat.  I don’t want to never have another steak again.  To the extent I give up fish permanently, I will really miss sushi!  I don’t know if this will stick forever, or even for more than a couple months, but I think it’s worth a try.

April 15, 2007

  • Why does anyone like Lily Allen or Amy Winehouse?  Their music is such garbage.

April 8, 2007

  • The terms basidiomycetes and ascomycetes are frequently used loosely in everyday conversation to refer to Basidiomycota and Ascomycota.

    Yeah… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve used those terms in everyday conversation.

April 2, 2007

April 1, 2007

  • I ran 30 miles this week.  I forget if I’ve been running 3 or 4 weeks, or maybe 5.  I guess it’s good that don’t remember exactly how long it’s been since I started up again.  (I’ve resisted keeping a running log, because right now I just want to get a consistent number of days under my belt, and that means all that matters is whether i’m running today not what I’ve done in the past or what I’ll do the rest of the week.)  I took a break today, although I didn’t feel like I needed it.  But I ran 6 days in a row, so I thought I’d let my body regroup, in the interest of not getting injured and screwing my long term chances of keeping this up.

    So I spent my night off at the SD Symphony.  The played Christopher Rouse’s 2nd Symphony, which was a wonderful piece to listen to.  I enjoy modern music so much — even if some of it is kind of clangy and difficult to process on the first hearing, it’s well worth it.  I think it’s especially good to see it performed live too — with the Rouse, so much of my enjoyment was watching the spectacle… the string players sawing away; two sets of tympani along with the rest of the percussion section all beating down on their drums in precisely the same rhythmic pattern.  It’s a Fast-Slow-Fast piece, and the Adagio was actually very enjoyable.  The fast sections were great too, but it was a lot of pounding and dissonance, so the Adagio was the one place where I could really close my eyes and medidate.  Also on the program was the Liszt Piano Concerto #1 (second time I’ve seen it this month), and exercepts from Mendelssohn’s Midsummernight’s Dream, which is a terrific piece with tons of great stuff for the woodwinds. 

    I feel like my life has settled into a very regimented routine.  I get up, go to work, come home, hang out for an hour, go run, shower, sit on the couch for an hour, go to bed.  Repeat.  I guess that’s how working life is.  And I enjoy work, most of the time, so I can’t complain.  I don’t know if, in reality, it’s any more regimented than school.  But it feels that way.  Or maybe I’m just now noticing that that’s the way life is.

March 24, 2007

  • i finally finished reading after this by alice mcdermott.  it was a great book, and at only 279 rather small pages, a breezy read.  it’s much different than other novels i’ve liked — it tells the story by giving you snapshots of an irish-catholic family over a 30 year period or so.  it’s not a continuous narrative, but rather it picks up in sometimes momentous (like when clare is born), sometimes random (one day after church) places in these people’s lives.  it’s third person, although the point of view is constantly shifted from omniscience to the experiences of one particular character.  and at critical moments, you are completely deprived of one character’s point of view, left only to guess at his feelings based on the effect of what happens to him on the rest of the family. 

    sadness permeates every page of the book.  a dark cloud hangs over even the happier times, because in every event — even the most mundane — there’s a fear of death, a recognition that every moment of life is fleeting, that people float in and out of our lives and there’s not a damn thing we can do about it.  that heading into our future necessarily involves letting go of the past.  even though it’s not the future’s fault, even though the passage of time is a natural thing, you can’t help being a little angry.

    for it’s easier to relive something old than to find something new.  easier to cling to old friends and lovers than to find new ones.  what is left after this?  after this life?  heaven or nothingness?  what’s left after you finish school?  a lifetime of working?  family?  a house in some awful planned community, or a big city apartment?  i want to hang onto THIS, whatever it is, but what this refers to is constantly shifting.  one moment after another, until finally you die.  at which point either nothing comes after or something comes after for eternity.  (how we wish it’s the latter but fear it’s the former.)

    it’s a compelling novel partly because it reminds me of what i feel my life is lacking because it’s never had, partly because it reminds me of what i’ve been forced to let go of even though i wanted to hold on a moment longer, and partly because it makes me think of how i might frame my life in a similar way.  how i could write an autobiography that’s nothing but short scenes, particular evenings, which would give an eerily accurate portrait of me.

    because you’d like to think that every second of your life means something; that someone can’t know YOU without knowing every detail, every heartbreak, every childhood memory, every success, every failure.  but that’s not so!  i could pick one evening of freshman year and sum up everything that changed about me then, capture everything i did wrong, every mistake i made.  i could pick one random day at work and sum up what it’s like for me to be a lawyer.  the moments are all so interchangeable!  and that’s frightening.

    time marches on.  you get to a point in your life when you’re 25, and where you are isn’t where you saw yourself.  you may be happy.  but can you let go of the way things were supposed to be?  do you make a new plan or pursue the original one?  maybe it’s all just the same anyway.

March 20, 2007

  • I don’t update this as much as I used to.  I keep track of other people’s blogs and I think:  oh – I wish he’d update more, and I am happy when they do, but I rarely update myself.  So maybe someone somewhere who I don’t know is reading this (because the people I read don’t know I read them) and is taking note.  I’m not sure why I don’t update more.  Part of it is that I’m tired after the end of the day.  I do start a fair number of entries that I never finish because I don’t have the energy to follow through.  But if I try to untangle the why of this further I might abandon this entry too, so I’ll simply abandon the topic instead.

    I spent the weekend in SF.  It was a lot of fun.  Went to see the SF Symphony w/ Adam.  The program:  Brahms Symphony No. 3; Liszt Piano Concerto No. 1; Ravel Daphnis et Chloe Suite No. 2.  Killer combination!!  This program is actually what convinced me to fly up in the first place.  Brahms 3 is worth it alone, and when you throw in the Liszt and Ravel, it’s a great night to come and listen for the first clarinet.  I’m not quite sure what makes a good piano concerto.  There’s lots of different ways to do it.  I think Liszt falls under the category of a good ensemble piece that works because of how the piano plays off all the other solo instruments (violin, cello, viola, clarinet, oboe, triangle (!), flute).  Contrast that with a piece like Beethoven Piano Concerto 3 where the orchestra doesn’t do much of anything other than fill in the tutti sections, but the dominating piano solo carries the day by itself.  The modern example might be Rachmaninoff 3, which has some nice orchestral colors but is really all piano.

    One thing I like about SF is that there’s all sorts of different places to try — different cafes, restaurants, neighborhoods, etc., and that it’s all accessible via walking and public transportation.  San Diego frustrates me because while I do have a fair amount of things to walk to in my neighborhood, I can’t really grab a bus to downtown or a train to the beach (or even work) very easily.  There’s some public transportation here, but it’s just not the same.  I feel like it’s the kind that’s installed after the fact rather than while the city is growing, which is the same problem from which LA suffers. 

    Maybe this advantage I see if SF is illusory, for if I lived there maybe I’d fall into the same routine, eat at the same two or three places all the time, never leave my neighborhood, etc.  Maybe it’s not.

    I’m not really sure what I’m doing with my life in San Diego.  I love my firm, and I have no intention of leaving it.  And I do like Hillcrest.  It’s just not the place I saw myself ending up, and I wonder whether the solution to that is to eventually move somewhere else or to start seeing myself here long term.  Going to SF always makes me think about those things, because it makes me realize that life during law school is over; we’ve all moved on.  Whether it’s because we were ready or because we had no choice, it doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter whether I was ready or whether I had no choice.  What matters is where I am now, and what, if anything, I think needs changing.  

    There’s nothing on my horizon but everything.  Everything is on my horizon.

    you’re so gorgeous i’ll do anything
    i’ll kiss you from your feet
    to where your head begins
    you’re so perfect
    you’re so right as rain
    you make me make me make me
    make me hungry again

    everything you do is irresistible
    everything you do is simply kissable
    why can’t i be you
    why can’t i be you

    i’ll run around in circles
    ’til i run out of breath
    i’ll eat you all up
    or i’ll just hug you to death
    you’re so wonderful
    too good to be true
    (you make me) make me make me make me
    make me hungry for you

    everything you do is simply delicate
    everything you do is quite angelicate
    why can’t i be you  (iiiiiiiiiiiii be you)
    why can’t i be you

    you turn my head when you turn around
    you turn the whole world upside down
    i’m smitten i’m bitten i’m hooked i’m cooked
    i’m stuck like glue!
    you make me make me make me
    make me hungry for you

    everything you do is simply dreamy
    everything you do is quite delicious
    so why can’t i be you
    why can’t i be you
    why can’t i be you
    why can’t i beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you
    why can’t i be you
    why can’t i be you
    why can’t i be you
    why can’t i be you

    you’re simply elegant

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