it's somewhat arbitrary to make resolutions at the beginning of each year, since the division of time into the unit of years is arbitrary, although tied to a natural phenomenon.  i make decisions at random times, and i'm more apt to stick to a decision made at my own pace, motivated by some event or feeling i get on a given day, not dictated by the pages of the calendar.  in 2007 i became a vegetarian and lost 50 lbs., and neither decision grew out of a resolution i made on jan. 1.  (i always resolve to exercise more, but that didn't get seriously implemented until a super-busy period at work in february convinced me i need to keep something in my life that was just for me.)  but new year's resolutions serve a purpose nonetheless.  it's arbitrary, but sometimes you need an outside influence to momentarily disrupt your aimless drift through life and force you to reflect. 

this year, it's a little less arbitrary.  i had a crazy december at work, and a huge deadline on dec. 26,  and billed aout 250 hours this month.  i was on track for over 300, but immediately stopped work on the 26th and haven't looked back.  i was at depositions in detroit for a week, then in minneapolis working on expert reports for a week, then in northern CA for a week visitng my parents.  i just got back to SD yesterday, for the first time in weeks, and it is so nice to just sit on my own couch with my cats and browse the internet.

super busy times at work always prompt me to reflect.  they suck so much out of me and direct it toward a faceless corporation (my firm) and faceless clients.  and that's ok.  i love my firm.  but it always makes me question... how is what i'm doing today advancing where i ultimately want to be in 10 years?  and what can i do to make sure that i'm investing in the present me -- in enjoying these days of my life rather than suffering now in hopes of future enjoyment?

i have to admit that i don't know the answer to the first question, and my answer to the second isn't satisfactory.  i want to be a judge 10-15 years from now.  is busting my ass at a firm going to get me there?  i don't know.  ideally, i'd just spend 15 years at my firm, then get appointed to the bench.  but that's much rarer these days, and at some point i'll probably have to take a government job.  when is the optimal time to make that move?  and what can i do now to make sure i move to the best place possible?  more questions i can't answer.  but i know that whatever i do next, i'll need connections i make at my current firm to help me get there, so i think working hard now and impressing as many people as possible is rational, even if it takes away energy from other areas of my life.

what can i do to make my present life better?  i guess that's where the resolutions come in.  i need to start lifting weights and doing sit-ups.  running is great, but i still have a belly, and my arms are fucking stick thin.  i need to start playing clarinet again.  i have a million things to repair around my apartment.  i'd like to buy some art to decorate my apartment and office.

i'd also like to publish a law review article or two.  i've already written one article, available online at https://id304.securedata.net/abtl/report/sd/abtl-report-summer-2007.pdf  (i am shameless at promoting myself, athough i should note that my face is no longer as cherubic as it appears in the picture there.)  it was a lot of fun to write, and prompted me to think more deeply about substantive patent law than i otherwise would have, although ultimately it is for a generalist legal publication and therefore simplified.

i guess most importantly i should go on some dates.  it freaks me out, and i don't know how i should go about it.  online dating seems the most likely.  i get lonely, and i don't want to be alone.  it's not necessarily that i want to find the right person overnight.  but, realistically, i'm going to have to go through a few people before i find the right one, and the sooner i start going through them, the sooner i find the right person.  and maybe, if i'm incredibly lucky, i do find the right one immediately.

it's so strange to think that i have no idea where i'll be in five years.  relationship-wise; career-wise.  the only thing that seems relatively certain is that i'll have the same two cats, since they've each got at least another 10, probably closer to 15 years left.  the uncertainity has always been there:  when i started tech, i had no idea i'd be entering law school in five years.  when i started law school, i had no idea i'd be in San Diego in five years.  but i always had plans, even if they didn't materialize.  now i have an end goal, a prenest location, and ZERO idea how I will navigate between them.

maybe a good resolution is to try and figure that out.