October 29, 2006
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If there's a day of the year that's my favorite, the day we set the clocks back one hour is it. Rarely a day goes by when I don't roll out of bed knowing that I should've rolled out of bed at least half an hour earlier. But on daylight savings day, I'm actually 30 minutes ahead of schedule. And many years (this one included), I don't even realize that it's daylight savings day. So I have that initial awful feeling of being late, only to realize that my fortune is not as bleak as I first thought. Usually, I'm already up and about by the time I figure it out, so there's no opportunity to sleep that extra hour away. It's all mine.
That said, I'm having a crappy weekend. I have a lot of work to do. It's really interesting stuff, but I'd rather have the two days off. I'm now an expert in inflammatory bowel disease, methods of treatment, what causes it (to the extent that's known), and how the body breaks down the drugs used to treat it. It's interesting, because what we actually administer to patients (azathioprine), isn't actually what is active in the body. Rather, azathioprine breaks down into 6-thiogauninine (6-TG) nucleotides, and they are active. But there's a competing metabolic pathway, whereby azathioprine is diverted instead into 6-methyl-mercaptopurine (6-MMP), thanks to catalysis by an enzyme called thiopurine methyl transferase (TPMT). About 11% of the population has a genetic mutation, however, that causes them to have little or no active TPMT. So their bodies make lots of 6-TG and very little 6-MMP. Making 6-TG is good, since that's what suppresses the immune system (in turn relieving the inflammation characteristic of IBD), but too much of it can lead to toxic side effects. Conversely, if your levels of 6-MMP are too high, that can also be toxic, and if your body is making too much 6-MMP and no 6-TG, not only our you slowly poisoning yourself, but there's no let up in the sloppiness of the shits you're taking. So there's a real dilemma: it's hard to predict what giving someone 25 mg of azathioprine will do to the levels of those various compounds in their system. Although, we now know which gene regulates TPMT activity, so if we test people to determine the genetic level of TPMT activity, it helps. There's other issues as well, but by monitoring levels of 6-TG and 6-MMP, it greatly helps doctors safely and effectively use azathioprine to treat IBD.
Anyway, the case I'm working on involves a patent that covers a specific therapeutic range of 6-TG and 6-MMP, and one issue is whether the people who patented the range were actually the first to invent it. So I've been pouring over hundreds of medical articles this weekend trying to figure that out. We're taking a deposition of this doctor in the field on Thursday, and I have to figure out what we're going to ask him and run it by the partner who's actually doing the deposition sooner rather than later.
I'm enjoying learning about the science behind all this, but it would have been nice to just buy a couch this weekend instead. One problem with me and work is that it's hard for me to stop thinking about what I will have to do later long enough to enjoy doing other things now. So it's better for me just to get it done, but then it takes way longer than I planned, and it turns out to be all I end up doing.
Meanwhile, I feel guilty because I didn't go to a work friend's party last night, when I really should have. The problem is that it was mainly non-work people. Parties bore me to begin with, and then there would have been the issue of not really knowing many people there, and not really caring about making small talk with them. I guess if I could let myself be more engaged, then maybe I'd enjoy myself more. It's a chicken and egg problem to some extent. I'm not interested in people because I've convinced myself not to be interested as a defense mechanism so that I don't have to try and fail. Or so the theory goes. But whatever the cause of my disinterest, disinterested I still be. Which is why I didn't want to trouble myself with sucking it up and going out. I enjoyed staying in, reading a book, and going for a run. I'll get crap for it Monday, and I don't feel like making up an excuse, so maybe I'll just say, "I just don't like parties, no offense to you personally" or something of that nature.
It's not that I don't like the idea of people, it's just that interacting with them consumes so much energy. Especially when I work all week, I hate the idea that my weekends are taken up with still more obligations. On the other hand, I don't like hanging out alone all the time. It's boring and depressing, and I don't feel that great right now. Maybe if I went to a party, I'd meet people to hang out with and have a Sunday brunch with. Maybe.
Trying to cheer myself (or others) up, seems like a losing battle. What would make me feel better is a change in the facts. But cheering up doesn't do that; it just tries to put a better spin on existing facts. Often it doesn't do a very good job, because there's an awful lot of bad facts and no way to spin them. Change requires time, which is what you can't spare.
Blech.
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