September 17, 2006
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Some fragmented thoughts.
Having started to settle into my new city and my new job, I've been thinking about whether or not I'd like to be in a relationship right now. Pretty much everyone at my firm is married -- even people my year. That's partly a function of the fact that I'm younger than everyone there. But that's not the entire explanation, since I'm not that much younger than a couple people who are still married.
I think it would be really hard to be married right now, or in any kind of serious relationship. Basically, I'm at the office from 9:30-7ish, and when I come home, I usually bring a few papers to look over while I'm watching TV. It's only my first couple weeks too, so I could conceivably be working more hours when I get into things (or maybe just working harder when I'm at the office, rather than sitting in my friends' offices and gossiping endlessly). It's a hard time in my life to be in a relationship though, because I want to be actively advancing my career. This is the first time I've ever really thought about "advancement." In school you kind of go along and try to do well, but you're in this relatively self-contained environment, and you know that you'll be sheparded along to a degree eventually. In work it's different. Not only are there an endless number of possible career paths, but you can switch paths at any time (although your ability to do so decreases at time goes on), and how quickly you move along a path is much more variable than how quickly you move through school. My point is just that, a career seems like something that needs more maintence, whereas with school, it's easier to put things on auto pilot and focus on a relationship.
I guess this just loops into what someone's concept of a relationship entails. My parents spend every second together. They're retired, which contributes to that, but even as a kid, it seemed like they always did a lot together. Which I guess is sweet, but it's not necessarily the way I want to be in a relationship. It strikes me as a little boring. I really want a separate life; one that's my own, even though I share a significant part of it with someone else. But my work schedule right now probably goes well beyond that "separateness" that I think is healthy.
Another issue is start-up costs. It might be easier to maintain a relationship that you've been in for a while when you're working long hours, but at the outset, relationships require a lot of time. You go on dates and get to know the person, etc. You can't just come home and plop down on the couch and watch TV with them. If you're lucky, you get into that phase sooner rather than later, but inevitably it's at least some time away from the start of the relationship. So maybe the marrieds have it better since they've gotten all that out of the way.
Comments (3)
I totally agree with you...currently, I am choosing to be single, which I suspect will last a very long time (but I'm always open minded). But if I were to be in a relationship, I definitely need that separateness. If someone wants to spend every waking moment with me, I would feel very smothered and probably run away very fast
hey craig, what's your current e-mail address? I wanted to send you an invite to see some pictures from the amazing week I had
I hope that the girl you date has a life of her own so you might realize that you find yourself wanting to make more time for her (ps, she will always be happy to oblige should the request surface, so that isn't an issue). I think it is interesting that you decide something before actually giving it a try. I also hope that the girl you find would be decent enough to occasionally get the check on the not-so-often times you go out together. But really, I am sure any girl would be happy just snuggling on the couch.
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