December 27, 2006
-
fixation. you see something you want, you can't get it out of your mind, and your mind becomes obsessed, and it takes this thing, assimilates it into your consciousness, and contorts it, contorts it into something even more beautiful than it is, or is it contortion because beauty is a subjective thing, a thing which you see in something or someone that's yours, not theirs, because you perceive it as something distinct from just physical characteristics or mannerisms or morality.
sometimes it's not a person we fixate on, but an idea; a sense of ourselves. it's this image of a self different than what we currently are and there's safety in the distance between who we are now and what that image is. because that image is the real self, the one we're afraid to be and we were to embrace that image or draw to near it would confront us with a reality for which we are unprepared. at least, that's one possible meaning, and what's worse than being afraid of accepting that meaning if it is right is the "if it is right" part -- for what if that image isn't me at all but some dragon i've erected from a windmill.
Recent Comments